Like every other human being, you have had a busy summer, Virgo. But this week you’ll finally have a little bit of free time! You’ll bypass the growing stack of books you keep buying, beginning, and abandoning, and instead throw all of your coveted free time into the relentless black hole of House Projects.
Your apartment is adorned from the gorgeous architectural era of Cheapest Possible Materials, so you experience no complicated internal struggle when deciding to paint these ghastly fixtures. You operate under the assumption that you will earn back your security deposit so long as all of the changes you make to your apartment are CUTE and FUN. This definitely isn’t the case, but home renovations seem to seize you with joy and purpose—so the skies have agreed not to intervene.
This week, you’ll decide to paint your kitchen countertops white. The project begins with an eerie amount of ease. Something isn’t right, how can a house project be…manageable? You cannot stomach a house project that doesn’t utterly destroy your mind, body, and spirit—so you begin blueprinting ways to complicate your simple task.
While you wait for the first coat of laminate paint to dry, you’ll visit a shop in your neighborhood that is packed with fascinating dusty objects from The Past. You’re always insufferably open hearted in shops like this, Virgo. Overly eager to connect to artifacts that aren’t nearly as special and you want them to be.
You claim that your purpose for visiting the shop is to purchase a little white cabinet for your kitchen—but the skies know better than that. The real reason for your visit is to find a way to pervert your small, feasible kitchen project, into a hellish nightmare.
You have a great deal of open shelving in your kitchen—which puts a lot of pressure on you to create dynamic food container tableaus. It’s exhausting (and unnecessary) to take your food from its original packaging and shove it into an empty tahini jar you have scrubbed 53,000 times (and is still sticky somehow?!) just so that you don’t have to suffer through a glimpse of ground flaxseed packaging. You claim to be in search of a cabinet with closed shelving, so you can stop your flaxseed charade.
Instead, you will leave the shop having purchased a dark wood china cabinet that is made of glass on three of its four sides. Needless to say, you do not need a china cabinet, Virgo—almost no one does! But you’ve successfully found your way to contort your manageable house project into a mammoth task. The shade of wood of this china cabinet won’t match anything in your kitchen, Virgo. So you decide to repaint your entire kitchen teal blue at 5pm, to better showcase its new china cabinet.
When you first purchase the gallon of bright teal paint, you make a litany of bold claims about how late you are capable of staying up to paint your kitchen. All of your claims end up being false, as you end up getting sleepy at 10:20 and leaving the rest of the project for the next day.
I am happy you take so much pride in your home Virgo, but I think it might be time for you to work on your impulsivity. You’ve painted your kitchen three times in ten months, and have eliminated almost all your useful food storage in favor of bare, stylish prisms.